A Guilt Trip In the Country
He said: "Hey, you wantta go to the apple store today?
She heard: "You don't have anything better to do today than stand in front of a hot oven and
bake apple pies do you?
He said: "Apples are so good right now...just thought it would be nice to get some while they're so nice and fresh."
She heard: "Listen...for some reason... only known ta God, you make a decent apple pie despite the fact boiling water seems to be a challenge for you. This is the only time we ever actually want you to cook....you should run with it."
He said:" The Boy hasn't been eating much fruit lately, I know he'd really love to have some
apples."
She heard:" It'll be all your fault when The Boy gets scurvy...or ricket...or whatever the hell
people get when they don't have enough fruit....and everybody will know you're a bad bad mother.
He Said: "If you don't have time...that's okay...we can go next week or something."
She Heard: "Well if you're willing to risk your son's health and your reputation as a mother
because you can't rip yourself out of the sewing room just this one time so we could
have homemade apple pie, that I have clearly stated...we desperately need...guess I
could maybe go to Sobey's or Loblaws and get one of those crappy fake apple pies
and save our son from agony and disease...no thanks to you.
So the guilt trip...I mean road trip begins...off to the apple store...an idea shared by everyone else in Durham apparently, cuz there we all were shoulder to shoulder edging our way thru the teeny tiny apple store.
"We could pick our own" I was reminded.
Yes..yes we could. We could also slam our hands in the car door too...but like pickin apples....it's just more fun when someone else does it.
We get the large box.
(Of course we get the large box because cooking the small box woulda taken no time at all...and since the guilt trip is workin sooo well....let's just push it all we can!)
I spend the trip home convincing myself I really do want to stand and cook apple pie all day, because in the interest of all that is motherly and right....my family needs these pies.
It didn't work, so after a sandwich to fortify myself, I decided I would take another 15 minutes to find my apple pie zen....and just bite the bullet and do it...knowing my family would be eternally grateful for my great sacrifice, I would retain the good mother award and there would be no scurvy in this house!
She says: "So...how many apple pies are you hoping I will make today?"
He says: "Well none actually"
What?
I put myself thru all this torture...good mother-bad mother...rickets and scurvy thing....and you don't want pie?
He says: "I was hoping you would make lots of apple crisp this weekend....and then next weekend you could make a bunch of apple pies."
Really....I mean r-e-e-a-l-lly?
Guilt trip bus skids completely off the road.
I am a good mother, I am a good mother. I am a good mother
But I ain't no Betty Friggin' Crocker!
She heard: "You don't have anything better to do today than stand in front of a hot oven and
bake apple pies do you?
He said: "Apples are so good right now...just thought it would be nice to get some while they're so nice and fresh."
She heard: "Listen...for some reason... only known ta God, you make a decent apple pie despite the fact boiling water seems to be a challenge for you. This is the only time we ever actually want you to cook....you should run with it."
He said:" The Boy hasn't been eating much fruit lately, I know he'd really love to have some
apples."
She heard:" It'll be all your fault when The Boy gets scurvy...or ricket...or whatever the hell
people get when they don't have enough fruit....and everybody will know you're a bad bad mother.
He Said: "If you don't have time...that's okay...we can go next week or something."
She Heard: "Well if you're willing to risk your son's health and your reputation as a mother
because you can't rip yourself out of the sewing room just this one time so we could
have homemade apple pie, that I have clearly stated...we desperately need...guess I
could maybe go to Sobey's or Loblaws and get one of those crappy fake apple pies
and save our son from agony and disease...no thanks to you.
So the guilt trip...I mean road trip begins...off to the apple store...an idea shared by everyone else in Durham apparently, cuz there we all were shoulder to shoulder edging our way thru the teeny tiny apple store.
"We could pick our own" I was reminded.
Yes..yes we could. We could also slam our hands in the car door too...but like pickin apples....it's just more fun when someone else does it.
We get the large box.
(Of course we get the large box because cooking the small box woulda taken no time at all...and since the guilt trip is workin sooo well....let's just push it all we can!)
I spend the trip home convincing myself I really do want to stand and cook apple pie all day, because in the interest of all that is motherly and right....my family needs these pies.
It didn't work, so after a sandwich to fortify myself, I decided I would take another 15 minutes to find my apple pie zen....and just bite the bullet and do it...knowing my family would be eternally grateful for my great sacrifice, I would retain the good mother award and there would be no scurvy in this house!
She says: "So...how many apple pies are you hoping I will make today?"
He says: "Well none actually"
What?
I put myself thru all this torture...good mother-bad mother...rickets and scurvy thing....and you don't want pie?
He says: "I was hoping you would make lots of apple crisp this weekend....and then next weekend you could make a bunch of apple pies."
Really....I mean r-e-e-a-l-lly?
Guilt trip bus skids completely off the road.
I am a good mother, I am a good mother. I am a good mother
But I ain't no Betty Friggin' Crocker!
posted by Nad at 10:12 a.m.
1 Comments:
You should put your family on the raw food diet- much healthier - vitamins aren't destroyed by the heat and maybe my taxes would go down if the fireman had less calls!!
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