Christmas Shopping at the Mall...or... Hell Just Ain't the Same Without Ya Babe!

I've been doing Christmas shopping avoidance for weeks. I know it's gotta be done...I know the longer I wait the worse it will be...and I know there are thousands just like me...and I know we will all end up in the same damned line at the same damned checkout at the same damned time.

So why is it I do this every year?

I haven't the time or money enough to pay a good shrink to figure that one out.

Far gone are the days when I swore to myself that I would never again leave the shopping til last minute...I didn't believe it as it was coming out of my mouth, it was like if I said it enough, it would happen. Never did. And now, truly it would not even work to be a year round, done by September shopper. That would have worked when my kids were little ... and thought anything they unwrapped was to die for. You could pick up stuff on sale all year long....throw in the couple of special requests they ask for close to Christmas and butta bing...Santa was a hero.

Doesn't fly around here now. My peeps are trendsetters (in their own heads) who need to have the latest and greatest. That hip and happenin' pair of short pants I got half price in August...well I can just see the look on The Boy's face when he opens them in December. I'll get the look...you know the one that says "Oh my Gawd she has lost it fer sure this time"mixed with the "She can't seriously think I could wear these this time of year" and a little bit of "Just say thank you and throw these puppies away with the wrap." And...when I explain that I knew he just loved them and he would have them for next summer ....feeling like surely this would earn me a gold star in the Mommy book....he'd tell me... in a kind and loving way...that by next summer, he'd never be caught dead in these things....they'd be so.....so......last year! Never mind that some of my things are so....so....last decade.

Nope....can't do the early shopping thing. Not, like I said, I was ever inclined to anyway...but at least this gives me, I feel, adequate justification not to.

But that's not really helping me now! It's not early....it's almost getting to be last minute again...and here I am....giftless. And honestly, I have tried to get myself to the mall many many time...but something always seems to come up...all of a sudden....there I am with socks that must be sorted...sheets that must be starched...life altering tasks that must be dealt with...and next thing ya know...too late to get to the mall...damn!

I now require a detailed list of 'wishes' from my closest family members. They even have a deadline to give it to me. I absolutely follow the philosophy of 'snooze ya loose' and the fear of getting things I choose as opposed to things they actually want is really working for me. I am still trying to sell the idea of every gift I buy... coming from the quilt shop I work in, since they all do their shopping for me at their places of business. For some reason, these males that I live with just can't dig it. EQ6 for the gamer...Designer 1 for the computer lover...and a Rowenta Iron for the neat freak....what's so wrong with that?

There is always a couple of people on my list that cause me such angst. I can never decide what to get them...and I think it is these folks that keep me stalled. I know their gift will require hours of mindless drifting from store to store...waiting for the perfect gift to just jump out at me. It rarely does, I give up and settle for something stupid just to cross them off the list....just to get outta the mall because I have had enough of the hustle and bustle... and one more Christmas song will surely make me throw up.

I do this to myself....and eventually I will do it again this year...me and thousands like me. I just gotta get started.....tomorrow.....maybe!

And people....what's with all the attitude? You're here in the mall doing your last minute shopping cuz you're a ninny like me... you knew it would be hot and crowded and there'd be long lines and less to choose from and more stress cuz time is running out....could you at least drink before you come....so you'd be a happy mellow little shopper and not the pushy shovey troll I always seem to be next to. You're really not helping with the Christmas spirit thing. We are all in this together because of our own stupidity. Be nice...be kind....and get the hell outta my way!