Premium Service
Dialing the number for the furnace repair center.
Me: Hel….oh (as I discover it is not a real human, but that automated woman with her tricky list of options for me)
Me: @&*%# …as I realize I should have been taking notes cuz 15 options is…apparently… 14 too many for me to remember.
Hitting number one…cuz it is number 1 in importance for me to be warm today…in my opinion anyway.
Me: Hel….oh ( as I discover…it’s a test, same bitch…different options)
Choosing number one again…I’m still cold.
Me: (Insert photo of girl filing nails while listening to extremely bad elevator music….doodling…more filing…singing la la la la, doodling….finally..
George: Good morning this is George (way way too perky George), what is your problem and how can I help you with it?
Me: I have no heat George
George: Oh…that is a problem, it’s alittle nippy out there this morning!
Me: It’s alittle nippy in this morning too George.
George: I will need your name, address, phone number, date of birth, mother’s maiden name, age of first born, shoe size, bra size, country of origin, blah blah blah (okay maybe not all of those, just seemed like too many).
George: I see you are signed up for our Premium Service
Me: Yes sir, absolutely …premium service.
George: Could I also get your email…we send out “things”…sometimes.
Me: No…sorry…we already get “things”…there is no more room for “things”
…could we talk about my furnace for a minute?
George: Right…do you know what the problem is?
Me: There is no heat.
George: Yes so you mentioned, have you any idea why?
Me: (Really fighting an inner battle with Bad Nad who really wants to take some “perky” outta George) No…no idea.
George: Is there a battery in your Thermostat?
Me: No idea…how would I know that?
George: It should be visible
Me: Not visible, but the thermostat seems to be working just fine…numbers are all there…says the heats on…little flames sprouting up…just nothing but cold air coming out the vents.
George: Oh good…at least we know the power is on.
Me: Good? Silently…in my head….OMG Make it stop…while I know nothing about furnaces….I do know not to call the furnace people when the power is out!.....to George…yes the power is indeed working.
George: Is the pilot light on.
Me: I don’t know…but if it’s not…it shouldn’t take a trained professional long to figure it out and HE can relight it, I have Premium Service remember.
George: Well I could transfer you to our Technical Support Line and have one of the technicians help you through the problem.
Me: Does that mean someone will talk me through fixing my own furnace?
George: Yes that’s exactly it. Should I go ahead and transfer you?
Me: Let me think a minute ….ah…. no!
George: They’re very good and we can probly have that furnace going in no time.
Me: So part of the Premium Service package is to talk a complete furnace idiot thru fixing their own GAS furnace? (I just can’t get past this one…in my own head).
George: Well we offer that to everyone really, sometimes it is just something simple.
Me: But I don’t know my ass from a pilot light ….and I don’t know if this is just a girl thang…but frankly George…I have a little problem playing around with things that BLOW UP! ….and besides all that…I have paid enough for the Premium Service for the repair guy to move in here for 6 months…could I just have a trained professional come to my house….pretty please with sugar and 6 winter coats on top?
George: Oh….okay, if you feel this is the route to go, I will set that right up for you.
Me: Thank you.
George: I will give you a four hour window. The service technician may or may not call you at any point during this window…or it maybe a half an hour before or after this time or maybe not, but if he calls you more than twice in this window and you don’t answer, he may or may not arrive and you will then be require to phone the service center back to reschedule a repair time.
Me: WHAT? No…no… never mind, please don’t explain that again, I’m cold…and now suddenly I have a headache.
George: Please be sure to call me back if there’s any more problems while you're waiting.
I’d rather play in traffic George….or better yet…maybe I can kill time…and myself playin’ with the gas furnace!
LATER:
Turns out this furnace has no pilot light...and I am left wondering....how many flicks of the bick would it have taken to blow myself to hell?
Burning question for the day!
Me: Hel….oh (as I discover it is not a real human, but that automated woman with her tricky list of options for me)
Me: @&*%# …as I realize I should have been taking notes cuz 15 options is…apparently… 14 too many for me to remember.
Hitting number one…cuz it is number 1 in importance for me to be warm today…in my opinion anyway.
Me: Hel….oh ( as I discover…it’s a test, same bitch…different options)
Choosing number one again…I’m still cold.
Me: (Insert photo of girl filing nails while listening to extremely bad elevator music….doodling…more filing…singing la la la la, doodling….finally..
George: Good morning this is George (way way too perky George), what is your problem and how can I help you with it?
Me: I have no heat George
George: Oh…that is a problem, it’s alittle nippy out there this morning!
Me: It’s alittle nippy in this morning too George.
George: I will need your name, address, phone number, date of birth, mother’s maiden name, age of first born, shoe size, bra size, country of origin, blah blah blah (okay maybe not all of those, just seemed like too many).
George: I see you are signed up for our Premium Service
Me: Yes sir, absolutely …premium service.
George: Could I also get your email…we send out “things”…sometimes.
Me: No…sorry…we already get “things”…there is no more room for “things”
…could we talk about my furnace for a minute?
George: Right…do you know what the problem is?
Me: There is no heat.
George: Yes so you mentioned, have you any idea why?
Me: (Really fighting an inner battle with Bad Nad who really wants to take some “perky” outta George) No…no idea.
George: Is there a battery in your Thermostat?
Me: No idea…how would I know that?
George: It should be visible
Me: Not visible, but the thermostat seems to be working just fine…numbers are all there…says the heats on…little flames sprouting up…just nothing but cold air coming out the vents.
George: Oh good…at least we know the power is on.
Me: Good? Silently…in my head….OMG Make it stop…while I know nothing about furnaces….I do know not to call the furnace people when the power is out!.....to George…yes the power is indeed working.
George: Is the pilot light on.
Me: I don’t know…but if it’s not…it shouldn’t take a trained professional long to figure it out and HE can relight it, I have Premium Service remember.
George: Well I could transfer you to our Technical Support Line and have one of the technicians help you through the problem.
Me: Does that mean someone will talk me through fixing my own furnace?
George: Yes that’s exactly it. Should I go ahead and transfer you?
Me: Let me think a minute ….ah…. no!
George: They’re very good and we can probly have that furnace going in no time.
Me: So part of the Premium Service package is to talk a complete furnace idiot thru fixing their own GAS furnace? (I just can’t get past this one…in my own head).
George: Well we offer that to everyone really, sometimes it is just something simple.
Me: But I don’t know my ass from a pilot light ….and I don’t know if this is just a girl thang…but frankly George…I have a little problem playing around with things that BLOW UP! ….and besides all that…I have paid enough for the Premium Service for the repair guy to move in here for 6 months…could I just have a trained professional come to my house….pretty please with sugar and 6 winter coats on top?
George: Oh….okay, if you feel this is the route to go, I will set that right up for you.
Me: Thank you.
George: I will give you a four hour window. The service technician may or may not call you at any point during this window…or it maybe a half an hour before or after this time or maybe not, but if he calls you more than twice in this window and you don’t answer, he may or may not arrive and you will then be require to phone the service center back to reschedule a repair time.
Me: WHAT? No…no… never mind, please don’t explain that again, I’m cold…and now suddenly I have a headache.
George: Please be sure to call me back if there’s any more problems while you're waiting.
I’d rather play in traffic George….or better yet…maybe I can kill time…and myself playin’ with the gas furnace!
LATER:
Turns out this furnace has no pilot light...and I am left wondering....how many flicks of the bick would it have taken to blow myself to hell?
Burning question for the day!
posted by Nad at 7:22 p.m.
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