She Makes Me Mental

This is my next quilting project. Beautiful quilt isn't it? I love love love the quilts this company puts out, this is....umh...the forth one in the series for me. And...if I ever met the designer in person....why...I'd bitch slap her.
This woman makes me mental.....plain and simple.
I have had this project...and the 40 odd fabrics it requires in my possession since before Christmas. While I can't hardly wait to see it done....I have been haunted since the moment I brought it home...dreading the moment I would have to open the pattern and get started. Fortunately....so very fortunately....I had other things that took precedence and this has sat in wait...taunting me ...til now.
I opened it...slowly, bracing myself as only one who's done these patterns before could.
It didn't disappoint. It was the perfect disaster I knew it would be.
This woman could make Stephen Hawking weep.
I can not for the life of me figure out where in the name of Gawd this woman ever got her quilting methods, and half the time....I can not find any rhyme or reason to why she does things the way she does. She makes me mental...did I mention that?
When do ya figure was the last time anyone used templates to make a nine patch block? Maybe...oh...1820? Not Miss Mess With Nad's Head! Templates for nine patch....WTF?
When last did you have a pattern that called for blocks that are....are ya ready.... 4 and 9/16th.
I know where you can find one.
4 an 9/16ths are you friggin out of your mind Lady?
And...love love love the way you have divide the quilt into 'panels'. Great idea really...if only the information for each panel was all together...like so you could do one panel at a time ... pretty smart of you to scatter it all...mix it all together...like maybe the way it fell outta your brain. I am betting you have a wee problem with...organization..or holding on to a train of thought for more then 8 seconds. I am really looking forward to jumping from panel to panel as I go thru your instructions...I am thinking it won't take long before I really don't know or care what goes on what panel...it's okay...I'll have a drink and get over it.
M thinks I should write Miss City Stitcher and tell her how horrible these patterns are written...but really... would I be able to decode her email response either? I don't think so.
I'll get it together...despite her. I will hate every single moment of it...there will be swearing...lotas swearing...but it will be together by weeks end.
And it will be pretty...and I will really like it...and want one for me. And then I will remember the joy of putting it together.
It is a love hate thing I have with this City Stitcher person.
And I don't think it would be safe to ask me to teach this.
I'd be more willing to wear my black feathered bra...without a tee shirt.....and a thong!
Really.